Joy Inexpressible and full of Glory !!!!!

 

The way our year stated with Skunk Armageddon and Mollie cat passing away shouldn’t had surprised me that March brought with it COVID…. (inset Jaws theme here). 

 

Jeremy started spring break on March 13.  I show up for work on March 17 and was informed to get what I needed and was labeled Safer working from home.  I honestly in my mind thought this would last a few weeks to a month but then the world shut down and brakes were applied to life is exactly how I felt.  Jeremy’s school shut down, restaurants, church, only go out to get the essentials.  Then Jeremy’s summer camp got cancelled, so my summer vacation was cancelled.   I couldn’t visit families in the hospital and had to start serving families a different way.  I’m a social person so this was a TOUGH on me.  I watched it from my bedroom window and we lived life inside our house.  I am forever grateful that I could work from home and receive my full paycheck, all of Jeremy’s home health nurses & HTS remained healthy and worked.  I worked from home for 4 months, so when June 15 rolled around and it was time to return to the physical office I wanted to stay home… (what???)  I really did start to embrace the slow-down, started food prepping, eating healthier, cooking more, not eating out as much, even tried some vegan dishes but don’t get excited I LOVE meat too much to give that up.  The best change I made was when Jeremy goes to bed at 8, I have a quiet time where I can set and read my bible.    

 

Jeremy graduated High School and had a formal graduation on June 26.  Sapulpa Public schools did a great job and had an amazing firework display for the seniors.  Jeremy turned 21 on August 9, a day I have been dreading for years because it means major change in services for him.  I had to decide between keeping him on the In home Support Wavier or switching to the Medically Fragile Waiver.  It really wasn’t much of a decision just heart wrenching to me as a single mom.  Jeremy needs nursing for his medical care, but that meant he lost his HTS who was his social bridge into the community as well as my back up.  Jeremy has only had 1 UTI this entire year, he’s been extremely happy, healthy.  His repeat Upper GI, had me scared his stomach was still red & inflamed so I was afraid the biopsies might not be in our favor and he now has an issue with his stomach emptying.  We’ve made some changes to his eating and he’s doing really well.     

 

I am Marley the cat, best friend ever, that cat loves me, she is loads of fun and fits right in.   

 

I did this thing, “OFFICIALLY” paid off my house mortgage and grateful GOD blessed me with the resources to do that.  I started out a single mom 11 years ago with incurred debt and I’ve slowly dug myself out and the only payment I currently have is my car... (inset happy dance)     

 

I was excited to start a new woman’s bible study of 1 Peter with the women at Grace Community Church…..

 

1 Peter 1:8, “and though you have not seen him, you love him, and though you do not see him now, but believe in him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory”. 

So not Worthy !!!!!

I’ve been working on a post for a while, I always try to figure out what path to take with a post.  I always pray because above all I want my words to do nothing short of glorify GOD.  A great bible study in 2 Timothy and an awesome morning drive this morning and jamming to Michael W. Smith provided inspiration.

 

So, what has been happening in Jeremy World, including the crazy cat Mollie well we added a Marley, an even more, extreme crazy cat.  Jeremy has been uneventful healthy, no sickness, no UTI and I’m so praising GOD for this.  We are gearing up for his graduation in May.

 

Life did get crazy but hey that is how we roll.  Mollie ended up getting a rare fungal disease and she can’t tolerate the treatment we tried 2 different times.  Mollie will eventually pass away or I will have to make the decision to put her to sleep and it’s heartbreaking.  I thought well maybe get another cat to make that transition easier for Jeremy, so I started a semi- not sure search for calico cats and up popped 1.  This cat’s markings are total opposite of Mollie.  I went to meet her, long story short filled out all the paperwork, paid my fee and while I was there this other lady came in to adopt her.  I honestly to be truthful at that point felt any day Mollie was going to pass away or I was going to have to put her to sleep, she was just that bad.  I brought the new cat home on January 31 and we named her Marley.  So, we currently have Mollie & Marley and yes, it’s confusing but Jeremy can say Mar Mar and it’s been a good thing for him, he laughs at her like he did Mollie.  Marley is still a little scared, except with me I am her best friend ever, but she is warming up to everyone else, make good progress in a month and is starting to sleep & be around Jeremy some.  Marley is very energetic, funny, full of life, and very expressive loud.  Marley has long legs & body, and her paws are big so I’m expecting she will be a good size cat.  Marley seems very content with her new home.

 

Then “skunk Party 2020” yep early one morning getting ready for work, Jeremy getting ready for school I hear a sound under my house and then a smell that will make you gag.  I walk into the living room and it was BAD.  I had to hire a company and they trapped 4 skunks that apparently had taken up resident, but of course why wouldn’t they because they knocked my duct work loose, so they had heat and a nice little pad.  However, the duct work looked like a war zone.  The area is boarded up and duct work has been repaired,

 

I made a commitment at the 1^st of the year that I was going to attend a women’s bible study on Tuesday nights @ Grace Community church, and it has been a NEED in my life.  We are studying through 2 Timothy.  I enjoy getting to know all the woman, church members and all my new friends.  It has all been so good, to keep my mind sharp for GOD, study the word, be in the word, share the word.

 

This morning a reflection on how much I don’t understand about life, my life, why life turned out like it did.  I’m graciously grateful that GOD is Sovereign over us and that he washed away my sins.  My personal scars, battles, wars, whatever I may call them are not even in the same hemisphere of what Christ endured on the cross, for me, the spotless, righteous lamb of GOD who came to earth and lived a perfect, sinless life yet died as he did.  This is not because of me, I’m not worthy, will never be and deserve nothing more than hell.  I get impatient with how I feel things should be and I must confess that sin to GOD.  GOD the almighty, perfect, all knowing, and I want to tell him what is best for my life.  I stand before GOD guilty, nothing more I can say but Guilty, but his mercy crashed in like the waves and all my sins are washed away, he took them all, he took them all, without a trace and because of that I stand free, with every stain, forever washed away.  Spotless, whiter than snow, your blood, Christ blood covers me and I’m whole.  I’m graciously grateful.

 

An Amazing Season of Thanksgiving !!!!

We continue to live a glorious life here in Jeremy world, along with the crazy cat Mollie.    

I finally have a blog posting update of Jeremy World but first Thanksgiving. 

 I am forever and foremost graciously grateful & thankful for God’s sovereign grace & mercy, I’m thankful that he sought me, saved me from my wretched sinful soul that was not only  destined to hell but I deserve hell.  GOD is so patient & merciful with me and I don’t deserve that.  I’m graciously grateful that GOD is above all, always been here, before time, above all other gods, riches and he is the one true and only GOD. 

 I’m thankful for the parents GOD gave me and the glorious time I had with them.  I’m grateful for their love & support.  I’m grateful for the valuable life lessons.  I’m grateful my mom was a true Proverbs 31 women and lived that out and I was able to witness in her daily life.  I’m grateful my dad (whom I believe came to know God in his last hours) was tough on me but it was because he loved me. 

 I’m grateful and thankful for each of my 4 siblings, they were my first friends, enemies but the love we have for each other can’t be replaced.  I’m grateful for their spouses.  I’m grateful for my nieces and nephews.  They have always shared so much with me. 

I’m grateful that GOD chose me to be Jeremy’s mom, and has given me 20 plus years to experience an undeserving love from such a tender hearted boy, how Jeremy loves unconditionally and is always happy, most times when he doesn’t feel good.  I’m grateful for his shenanigans and how they make me snicker.

 I’m grateful for all the amazing staff that cares for Jeremy, how they care for him and adopt us as family.  They are an extension of our family. 

 I’m grateful that I get to work at OGE, the friends I have here, the benefits, my job financially supports my household. 

I’m grateful I get to work for the Oklahoma Family Network and provide support to so many families but how this supports my family.

I’m grateful for Sapulpa Bible Church, my church God provided for me, they are extended family where the true, solid preaching of God’s word is provided.  The support and with happy hearts GOD is served.    I’m grateful for the summer’s wicked weather because it brought Grace Community Church an entire new church family into my life, many new amazing friends, who love and serve GOD. 

 

An Update into Jeremy World:  We still have no genetic answer, still has low T-cells and the only treatment would be a bone marrow transplant but Jeremy is not a candidate he couldn’t tolerate the procedure.  Jeremy’s spine did progress again this past year, which would explain the increase in oxygen earlier this fall plus now leading to GI issues.  I am grateful that Tulsa got an amazing new Pediatric GI and that Dr. Michael Pickens was willing to take Jeremy on because Jeremy isn’t considered Peds.  Dr. Pickens, listened to my concerns and immediately ordered test and wanted to know all he could about Jeremy.  We did an Upper GI scope, barium enema and an Esphogram.  Jeremy’s esophagus is slow, due do the curvature of his spine food goes down slower, he has severe Gastritis, 9 biopsies were collected and all confirmed acid reflux.       

We have had a busy year.  I was honored and thrilled to be present to welcome Dawson Gaches into our family on January 15.  He is my first Great-nephew and mom and dad would have been proud Great- Grandparents.    

I attended a Heartland Genetic Advocate meeting in Dallas for a few days in February, a quick flight one day, conference, and late flight back.  I gained some new knowledge.  I was so grateful to have the opportunity to meet up with my friend Laurie Garza from Allen, Texas, she was the first parent I met when Jeremy was diagnosed with FG syndrome and we’ve remained friends through our boys growing up. 
 
May I attended the Family Voices conference in Washington, DC and that was an amazing conference.  I was pretty excited to be at our Nation’s Capital, see the White House, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Arlington Cemetery, our Nation’s Capital, supreme court, meet Senator Lankford.  It was nice to be spend time with 3 of my co-workers with the Oklahoma Family Network.      

Summer came and we took a vacation.  I took Jeremy to his 5^th year of Camp Barnabas on Sunday, he loved it and would have returned.  I then started my vacation with no agenda, no planner and just got to be spontaneous.  I flew to Jacksonville, FL to meet my friend Denise and we drove to Savannah, GA to spend the week.  It was a great week, lots of interesting historical sites, some interesting places to eat, seen a cannon being shot, climbed one of the 10^th tallest Lighthouses at Tybee Island and we even drove around Bonaventure Cemetery.  There was much time to relax, talk, I got to do my bible study every evening with no interruptions, got some rest and just an amazing week. 

I will end with a verse from 1 Corinthians 10:31, " Whether, then you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all for the Glory of God".  This is what I am striving to do in my life with all I do.  I'm grateful that my Pastor has been teaching through 1 Corinthians. 

My Feet are on the Rock !!!

We were so excited to start September off with welcoming, my niece, Jeremy’s cousin, Brandi back to the USA after faithfully serving our God over in Brazil for the past several years.  We have all missed her so much and so excited to have her back here with us.   

My little mystery minion continues down that path.   I notice when we got home from the airport that day he was tired, not really eating and starting to have some desaturations and a sporadic rash.  We see the doctor the next day, did some blood work but nothing came up.   He started that Thursday having major desaturations down into the 70’s, his school was amazing and worked to get him above 90 although he required more oxygen.  I had a conversation with Dr. Walters.  We went that afternoon to see our new Neurologist, Dr. Hussain and we love him he was very informative and listened to my concerns.           The next day I have to admit I was preparing myself for a similar situation.  As a mom I felt something wasn’t right with Jeremy, just could pinpoint what was going on.  I start getting text right away about oxygen desaturations, turning him up.  Then he’s down to 63, we are calling EMSA.  I rush to school, calling doctor on the way to inform and receive a phone call asking me where I was they were going to transport him, I instructed to take him to St. Francis and I would follow but I was almost at the school.  Then nothing prepares you for the scene of driving into the school parking to see EMSA and fire truck with lights knowing they are there for your son, you run in and no one will look you in the eye and you are not sure exactly how to expect to see your son.  He was starting to come around and acting like himself so I took him to the ER, we didn’t get any answers but did have instructions to keep him on more oxygen and all test were coming back normal.  The rest of that month and next was a barrage of doctor appointments, blood work, tests and eventually a nasty UTI.  Jeremy still continues to have low T- Cells, and it seems that the only bacteria he grows for an UTI is the nasty klebsiella pneumoniae.  We aren’t sure at this point why Jeremy is requiring more oxygen but he does.  We will be repeating a sleep study end of December to check all of that. 

We are enjoying fall, the weather has been amazing, we have all of our Halloween decorations out and ready for Halloween this week to hand out candy hopefully we will have some trick or treaters.  Jeremy is doing well, very ornery, becoming verbal and the minion cat is spoiled and continues that pathway. 

I am loving the song, “My feet are on the rock” by I am They.  It seems to represent my life as I know many others right now.  I see the clouds, winds roll in, waters rise, feel like I’m drowning.  I refuse to give Fear a foot hold.  I see joy, I see the joy because my faith is planted in Christ alone and his unchanging grace, he doesn’t change, he can’t change, GOD is GOD always and forever.    

 

I can see the clouds roll in
And I can feel the wind as they try to shake me
I will not be moved
My feet are on the Rock

I can feel the waters rise
And I can hear the howling lies that haunt me
Fear won't hold me now
My feet are on the Rock

I can see the morning light
I can feel the joy on the horizon
Here my faith is found
I stand in solid ground!...

When I feel my hope about to break
I will cling to Your unchanging grace
Let the waters come and the earth give way
I'll be dancing in the rain!
My feet are on the Rock

On Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
So stomp your feet and clap your hands
Our feet are on the Rock

I trust GOD, not the Journey !!!!!!!

I think one day this may be the introduction to my book.  

There have been many times in Jeremy’s life that have hurt me to the core to the point that I felt like the breath was knocked out of me and all I could say was I can’t do this, GOD fix it.  When Jeremy was born with multiple medical needs and required brain surgery the 2^nd day of his life, the 11 day NICU stay, test after test, diagnose after diagnose.  I viewed this as unfair because I DIDN’T deserve it (believe me I cringe at this statement) I deserved a child that was perfectly healthy, I deserved better, he deserved better.  I grew up with the thought process that everything happens for a reason, so what did I do?  What is the reason?  Why did it happen?  Because so many times in our Christian life what do we do?  We hand out pieces of advice based on a partial piece of a scripture that we can take and fit it into our little box we call life because it makes us feel good.  We don’t read the before and after scripture or even study the context.  I’m guilty of doing this more times than I can even remember, and I’ve had to repent of that.  What does Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 tell us, basically there is a time for everything, so there must be a time for healing, because everything happens for a reason because Romans 8:28 tells us what?  What else do we often do as Christians, we make everything about us, my hurt, my healing, my heart, my suffering.  Jeremy didn’t deserve to require spinal surgery that would rock his entire core system, take away his mobility the one thing he dearly loved and long-term affect his health.  I cried out to God to many times, heal him, let him walk again, this isn’t fair and we don’t deserve it.  Then that day, that moment (there has been many) that GOD would speak to my heart as if to say, “Lora, Jeremy is fine he doesn’t need to be healed, but YOUR HEART, YOUR HEART needs to be healed”  OUCH !!!!!  I had devoted so much to what is the plan, when will GOD reveal this plan to me, there is a reason, right GOD?  Has if I, I had any right to question GOD.  The GOD who spoke this entire world into existence with no effort, the GOD who created me & Jeremy for him.  This is God’s word from the beginning to the end.  God had a plan to prevent me from dying and spending eternity separated from him in a place called Hell, so one day because I have put my faith in Christ alone, I GET TO LIVE in his glory, I GET TO LIVE IN HIS GLORY.    

               My sister’s church was doing a fundraiser for their mission trip to Brazil and has a girl making signs.  I started last year in December when Jeremy was so sick and hospitalized twice, had surgery for cellulitis.  Reading the Proverbs and created me a little quote, “I don’t trust the Journey but the GOD who determines my journey”.  Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your path.  Did I really trust GOD or was I trusting the journey and just making it threw.  Then a short month later GOD brought me down to my knees quickly the day, mom passed away suddenly, I truly believe she passed away instantly, before I even laid her back in the seat or did any CPR.  Then Jeremy got so sick once again, and there have been many times in his life that I wasn’t sure if I would be bringing my boy back home with me or would he survive this, this day was one.  The day we got to the ER and his leg started bleeding through open wounds because his leg was so infected with MRSA and he honestly could have went septic at any time.      

My sister sent me this picture last night telling me my sign was ready and BAM, I have found my title and book cover for my book.  I still got to get busy to put all the thoughts, postings together. 

We had some exciting news, my nephew Joseph got married to his best friend of over 3 years, Tarron beautiful wedding.   They found out they are expecting the end of January and I am so freaking excited to be a Great Aunt, and know that I will ROCK it.  

Jeremy still battles UTI like a roller coaster so we started a new plan and went up a size in cathears so hopefully that will help ensure his bladder is empty, he ended up with a sinus infection we discovered that on the brain MRI to check for any changes in his brain which nothing new there.  We discovered he has acid reflux so we are treating that.   I finally have all the carpet out of our house, Jeremy's room was the last one.  Jeremy’s Neurologist who we’ve had since he was 6 weeks old retired, Dr. G. Steve Miller so we have an appointment with a new one in September.  Jeremy went to Camp Barnabas for the 4^th year and had an amazing time, met many new friends.  He has readjusted back to Jeremy World, he is happy, feeling good and we are just going to enjoy the rest of summer.  I boarded a plane to Detroit, Michigan on Monday with Kristy, a good friend.  We had a blast, rented a car and drove to Port Huron, Michigan.  I was asked, “why did I pick that place”, well I have never been to Michigan and it was absolutely 100% gorgeous, the Lake Huron is so beautiful blue and the weather was cool, breezy 76 degrees.  Molly the cat was happy that her humans returned home, although my nephew stayed with so she wouldn’t be alone. 

Enjoy the pictures…

Sat. morning with a friend 

Jeremy w/ Dr. Miller, we loved him 

His favorite thing eat out with staff 

So many great pictures, but this was one of my favorites

The lazy cat 

Loved watching the Freighters come in 

The amazing bluest water I've ever seen 

Vacation 2018 

Ft. Graiot Lightehouse, we climbed 94 steps 

Of course 

Not sure, he's just goofy 

Such fun 

New Friends from Eagle Heights Baptist Ministry

The Famous book cover !!!!

The freedom of summer

               I have been working on this update for several months which is the norm for me.  The thought still remains in my heart to one day write a book/books to be inspirational faith based or possible children’s books.  will be a series of children’s books.  For the time being there is not enough time to pursue this avenue. 

I found a previous post about warning alarm because like so many mornings I am woke up from a deep sleep with my security alarm blaring because my son will drop something and my alarm picks it up as a window break.  The alarm is to warn me if someone is trying to get into my house.  I started to notice road construction and the warnings that go with it, especially traveling on I-44, you see, “road construction ahead” and then “left lane ends in 1 mile” and the final flashing lights “merge now” yet so many drivers push that to the limits.  We see warning signs put in place to protect us, GOD has given us warning signs but yet we often push it to the limit.  This has been my heart and realize I need to make more effort to pray for our leaders and cry out to God and turn from my sins.  2 Chronicles 7:14, “and my people who are called by my name humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear heaven, will forgive their sin and heal their land”      

We started a new era as Jeremy turned 18 in August.  Where did the time go? because I’m pretty sure he was just born.  It has been a little crazy with all the hoop jumping.  I went through the process and obtained guardianship, that was a fairly easy process.  I do however stand my ground and feel it’s crazy as his mom for the past 18 years to pay a lawyer and petition the courts to retain that right.  But it is done.  I filed for SSI the day after he turned 18 and that has been a hassle, but I am finally his representative payee and we are on that journey.  We experienced our first hiccup with medical, we went to the ER and was shuffled over to the adult ER.  I thought I would have an anxiety attack or need bail money and I wasn’t prepared for that.  It turned out not to be so bad, although eye opening.  I feel the doctors should have listened to my expertise more and we will get there.  Our nurse was so amazing and helped the entire process.  I’ve been talking about a family advisory council for the adult hospital and gears are turning to get that started.     

Jeremy had an amazing summer, he was so happy, had fun, rested, full of energy and healthy.  He attended Camp Barnabas again for the 3^rd summer and had a blast.  I was grateful that Kristy could take Jeremy to camp for me so I could board a plane to Jacksonville, FL.  This was my first vacation that was just vacation, a week of nothing to do with medical, no conference just fun in the sun.  I spent the week with a friend, going to the ocean, all the amazing wonders of GOD and relaxing.   We both enjoyed our week of fun but was glad to be reunited and back home.  Mollie the cat however, was in mourning for most the week, but was grateful to a friend, Misty who came by to check on her, keep her fed and watered and attention.   

Jeremy managed to go 4 months with no antibiotic but end of summer developed an ear infection and then, strep throat and UTI.  We got some results back from the Immunologist and Jeremy has low T- cell Lymphocytes so he can’t fight a viral infections.  We are waiting for one more test results to come back to see if this is genetic and where do we go from here.  I have to say that news took me back.  I have seen Jeremy regress over the past 4 years, motor and definitely in immunity.  He woke up one Saturday morning with a little pimple on his right elbow opposite side of the horror cellulitis infections last year.  I used all the education I had learned on skin infections from Dr. Martin, our amazing infectious disease doctor.  He started running a fever and by early Sunday morning high fever, the pimple was gone, but the area was red, warm to the touch so off to the ER we went.  I think the quick notice of this, slowing it down & getting treated definitely getting him on the right antibiotic prevented it from getting worse.   

I then got to take a fall trip with my best friend, Kelly Hamilton to Seattle Washington it was so beautiful with so many amazing sights.    

Sat morning trip to WalMart with Kristy

Going on a trip 

He just got his new glasses, isn't he handsome?  

Mollie's new mansion 

OGE lineman's Expo 

His friend Matt at his birthday party 

One of Jeremy's best friends, Trey

His tent he bought with his money

50's day at school 

Jeremy's new ride, hew as so proud 

Seattle Aquarium, I felt like I was home being mean mugged

Seattle Space Needle, amazing 

I made her ride the GREAT Seattle Wheel

Tell your heart to beat again !!!!!!!

I heard this song on Tuesday, like I have many times, BUT, it seem to put words to what my heart was feeling and trying to say.      

Jeremy has had a rough start to the year, he continues to have multiple appointments, multiple illness resulting in multiple antibiotics.  Then a recent hospitalization for an UTI with 2 different strands of bacteria and 2 skin infections with a different strand of bacteria that grew out MRSA.  Jeremy was having signs of an UTI, showed me his elbow which had a sore on it.  We went to see his doctor on Friday, did an urine culture & skin culture and we started on an antibiotic.  He had some red looking sores on his lower leg but they were just red looking sores.  He maintained on Saturday, his urine was clearing up, his elbow was looking a little better and the bumps on his leg seemed to disappear, I also know it takes a while for the antibiotic to start working.  His home health nurse came in Sunday and literally this was GOD because she did an assessment and right away noticed his leg was swollen and not in good shape.  We got to the ER and within an hour his leg started to ooze a little, then drain.  We were admitted, numerous test, IV antibiotics.  The next day he felt so bad and had surgery to clean out a nasty abscess basically the entire length of his leg, surgeon placed 3 drains and then packed the elbow.  The Infectious disease doctor got on board and narrowed down antibiotics that would target the strains of bacteria he had.  We were discharged with multiple follow up appointments, 2 different antibiotics and a plan to prevent future staph infections of the skin.  This was scary, how quickly it spread, how quickly Jeremy crashed and he was so close to being septic, dying or possibly could have lost his leg.  His recovering has been slow, and we just allow him to rest when needed.  The last few days he is being more himself, laughing, ornery, back to doing his mean mugging look while doing his donkey kick.    I’m still battling lack of nursing and OHCA decided he only needs 5 days a week but I found out yesterday the doctor revoked his decision and we keep our days. 

 Jeremy has a week left of school, we will prepare for summer camp the end of June and when he goes to camp I get to go to Florida for a week.    

 January 24, was a day that shattered my world, literally.  I took off work early to go to mom’s and ride with her and my sister to my uncle’s funeral.  We stopped in Chandler to pick up my aunt (my dad’s only sibling still living).  We talked, laughed, enjoyed the time.  Mom started to not feel well after the funeral when we were at my cousin’s house, so we headed home, dropped off my aunt at her house, snapped a few selfies one with my aunt & one with my mom.  I rode in the back with mom.  We headed home and approximately 3 miles from mom’s house she died of a massive heart attack.  I was giving her CPR until a nurse friend arrived and then paramedics.  We thought at one point she was responding.  When we arrived at the hospital we were not expecting the ER doctors to tell us that mom didn’t survive and Paramedics never regained a pulse.  I was in shock, never when everything was happening did it dawn on me that mom wouldn’t survive.  My mom, the woman who had always been in my life, was there when I was born, she not only taught me about GOD but she showed me GOD.  A true Proverbs 31 woman, loved her husband when he wasn’t loveable, loved her children when we weren’t loveable, mom took care of her family, never thought of herself, a wise woman, full of wisdom and she was gone.   

I don’t understand and never will, but GOD doesn’t call me to understand but to trust him.  That is faith.  His perfect ways tells me I won’t understand but that is the freedom, I know GOD has this, he is working everything out for good.  This is my temporary home, my plan is when I pass away from this earth in which I will is to step over to the other side, in GOD’s presence, to see him face to face, to no longer wonder about all the complications of this world because they will have all faded away.  It will at that moment be clear.  I am human and weak, I am human and in need of a Savior and GOD is that savior.    

Loosing mom I wasn’t prepared for, I found my life shattered in a way it’s never been, a time that this world drives me to my knees, you think you are never going to get back to the you that used to be.  I’ve had to give myself pep talks, I’ve had to tell myself to breathe, I had to tell myself to get up and live life.          

Trust GOD-his perfect time and will and plan !!!!!!! 

You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It's alright now
Love's healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story's far from over
And your journey's just begun

Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
'Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven's working
Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again

Words & song By Danny Goeky