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Saturday, March 3, 2012

The aching of a mother's heart and the the love of GOD....

I have been in one of my "feel sorry" for me moods because I was focusing on how unfair it is that Jeremy goes through what he does, plus Jeremy has been not sleeping well the last few nights so exhaustion adds in.  I received a call yesterday from school because Jeremy was running a fever and chilling so I went to get him.  We were once again a full blown UTI.  Jeremy would toss and turn last night so I laid there and would talk to GOD in the quiet of the cool night.  I then turned to reading some emails and got an email notification about a little girl who I've just recently been following her caringbridge page.  This little girl has had a rough time and last night reading mom's heart felt, pouring out her thoughts and hurting for her child broke mine.  I knew exactly how she was feeling because I have been there.  I know the pain of a mom, the ache of the heart when your child is going through so much and you want to take it from them, not allow them to go through it but you can't and it seems unfair.  This mom's comments, her daughter was beat up, cut up and crying to go home and my heart literally ached for them.  I started thinking, is this how GOD felt, his son was beaten, mocked, crucified and took the sins of the entire world upon him because he loved us so much, how is that for unfair?  I don't believe GOD gives special needs children to special parents because what does that say about other parents in the world.  I'm not saying that our children who deal with complex medical problems are martyrs but if you are a mom and watched your child go through some tough time you want to take it from them, your heart aches and hurts for that child.  I do believe GOD knows what we need in our life, being mom to Jeremy keeps me humble and focused on GOD, Jeremy goes through so much and just takes it in stride.  I was playing the words to blessings in my mind, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know that you are here, work out your salvation with fear and trembling.  What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this world is just a revealing of a greater source this world can't satisfy.  This world holds nothing for me, my hope is not in this world but it's in GOD the day that we are in glory with him.

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