"God doesn't give children with special needs to strong people; He gives children with special needs to ordinary, weak people and then gives them strength. Raising a child with special needs doesn't TAKE a special family, it MAKES a special family." I stole this from a friend who stole it from one of her friends.
I love that statement because I can't count the number of times I've been told, "GOD gives special children to special people" "you are awesome". I know it is a well meaning statement and it's meant to make me as a mom who the world views different to feel better. I AM NOT SPECIAL, I AM NOT A HERO, what am I? I am Christian, I am a mom who loves my son beyond this world. I do have strength that can only be explained that it comes from GOD. I would take on the world to make sure Jeremy gets what he needs. I am often times frustrated because my son can't communicate his needs or advocating for through a system for what he needs. I'm tired, often times it seems like all I am doing is fighting. I'm often viewed as difficult to deal with. I'm often times scared to death for my son's life and I like any other mom I cry myself to sleep when my son hurts. I hurt for Jeremy, just like any mom who hurts when their child is hurting. I want for my son what every parent wants for their child, I want him to be happy, healthy and have friends. I know some got that calling in a visit with their doctor, some after birth and some years later. My life changed on August 9, 1999 @ 9am, I did become a mom, a mom of a son who is going to have a battle mentally, physically, emotionally and have health issues. It did change me as a person, it made me humble, to appreciate the small things in life, not take for granted, that first smile, that first word, that first step. It also made it easy for me to see GOD each and every day through Jeremy. It's made me to see the world through the eyes of an innocent little boy who just loves.
I realize with my post from Thursday I made it sound like everything was just AWESOME. I do have peace, that we have the right surgeon and that we have a plan although we don't now exactly it depends on a few test. Jeremy's upcoming spinal surgery is going to be tough, it's going to be a tough surgery on him, it's going to be tough on me. The day Dr. Anagnost told us we needed to look at doing some correction, I cried all the way home, cried myself to sleep many nights and walked around for days like a zombie. I hate that Jeremy has to go through this complex surgery, it was one I was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with. I'm always afraid with each surgery is this the one he won't make it through, what if something goes wrong and he becomes paralyzed. I know there are risk. I know I will have many ups and downs before the surgery. I also know I can't dwell or think about these things and that I have to put my trust, faith and hope in GOD.